As a kid, i have always been spanking and hyper-active. My mother had a very tough time tackling a naughty me, just like all other mothers. But with the turn of events, it was only during my schooling , I became docile and introverted. I developed a kind of low self esteem and estranged myself from the main stream. It is evident even from the video and photo records of my young age that I always look for a hideout to stay out of focus. I will always seek the security of a crowd who share similar low self-esteem traits just like me wherever I go. The breeding ground for my negative thoughts about myself is definitely not my mind. I was neither born with the thought that I am unfit nor I had the maturity to decide my self-worth. It was cultivated only in my school days.
The education system in those days determined the worth of a student only by the grades that he or she gets. I was not an outstanding student. But I had my own innate and unseen talents. I was a sure dunce at Maths and related subjects. But was a good student in English and other creative subjects. On the home front, everything ended up with a comparison. My mother had to maintain a facade of normalcy for inquiries about my studies, school or health. It further added up to my negative feeling. It was only when I reached my eleventh standard that I realized the real-achiever sleeping deep inside me.It was the moment of freedom for my poor mother who had struggled with me since she had put me into that "much coveted school". I passed out twelfth standard with a better percentage and was admitted into the city's one of the best colleges.
It was only in my college that I found a new me. I won prizes in writing competition, internship presentations and much more. It was only at that moment that I decided that my life will be associated with writing. Later, for the first time in my life, I chose a specialization of my choice in my post graduation after a long battle . My first decision paved way to the subsequent independent decisions as regard to career, job and hopefully marriage. Though I don't lead an outstanding and successful life, I have evolved to be a better person than what I was. I humbly pass all the credits to my mom, who against all odds in a joint family set-up, brought me up as what I am now.I am looking forward to find more newer dimensions of myself and become a much better person.
2 comments:
a...i thought i was reading about myself! :-) True Poorna, often we lose ourselves in comparisons. I was an introvert, shy, and serious types, but one day i realized my potential and then things changed. Ofcourse this one day and change that I am talking about was actually a span of some 6 years. But I am glad for that realization. "Realization is good, and most useful when it starts getting acted upon." This is what Kiran Bedi had once written to me in response to a letter i shot her after watching her interview on doordarshan. I am sure there are wonderful things in store for all of us.
True:)
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