No: The Two-Lettered Powerful Word

Ever since I was a kid, I was trained to say "yes" to everyone and everything. I was brought up in an environment, where saying "no" is considered impolite. I inherited this habit of singing yes ma'am to the tunes of others from my parents. I still vividly remember how I used to watch helplessly if some random kid snatches my favorite barbie doll, a beautiful lehenga or a thing that is dear to me. I would let a playmate or a classmate to boss me around for no reasons. I didn't have to be an Indira Gandhi or a Jayalalitha to stand up for myself and say "no". These are simple life situations, where I had to defend myself and stand for what is right. I was too naive and timid to put my foot down even for small things. Add to this, a pampering joint-family environment, where all your needs are taken care of without even asking for it. It makes you into a totally spineless person thinking that saying "no" is a sin. This is exactly how I grew up as a timid and shy kid. I completed my post-graduation and secured a job and created a career for myself but saying "no" is still not my cup of tea. I carried the good girl image with elan like a badge of honor. However, the good thing about not being able to say "no" is it is well received and reciprocated by the right people. That is how I earned a few good people, who stood by me through thick and thin. Unfortunately, it is these people that supported me on my trying times further made me an excellent people's pleaser. No matter what, home or work, I made immense efforts to agree with others at the cost of my peace of mind. 

                Picture courtesy: Microsoft PowerPoint stock photos

I carried this habit like a priced possession from the work life to my married life as well. I continued to be a mum creature, who cannot say "no" like the same kid who helplessly watched her doll being snatched away. Little did I knew that my inability to say no would plunge me into depression and cost me dearly at a point in life. Come 2018, an unfortunate incident struck my life and created a storm. It is this personal loss that gave the impetus to the much-needed change. I FINALLY learnt to say "No" to things that snatch my peace of mind on top of my voice. As a result, I have become a happier and decisive person, who knows her priorities. 

Saying "no" and understanding priorities go hand in hand. I reviewed my priorities and kept things and people that matter to me on top of the chart. Unlike my parents, I don't preach my kid to give up on her favorite toy. Instead, I encourage her to share it with others and say "no" if someone snatches it from her. I insist her to say "no" to people that expect her to prioritize them over her. It is important to teach children to say "no". But it is tricky to teach them when to say it. It comes only with experience.  

Experience is the best teacher. One way to turn a scar into a star and to move from brokenness to beauty is to learn from the experiences. By learning from a mistake or a problem, we literally turn that trouble into a blessing. And that is what exactly I did. 

The following are my learnings from this giant transition of being a timid people pleaser to a careful decision maker: 

• Being selfless doesn't mean prioritizing others and dumping ourselves. 
• Saying "no" is not a sin.
• Drawing healthy boundaries to secure your space is not bad.
• Understanding the thin line between being helpful and denying the opportunity for the recipient to be independent is important. 

I gave a big farewell to the people pleaser in me and invited a stubborn and head-strong person, who would not let her fort be invaded and captured by any other force. However, be a caring host who will pleasantly tend to the needs of the same force if it happens to be a guest. Being head strong, and polite and decent are the two sides of the same coin. If we know where to tighten the strings and where to let them loose, we emerge as a winner. 

I would like to sign off with the lines from the book "The Secret" that complements the idea of being selfless well. 

"Fill yourself up to full, so that you naturally overflow and tend to others".

The New Grading system for CBSE Class X: A boon or bane?

The ministry of human resource development (MHRD) has finally taken the plunge and directed the Central Board of Secondary Education (CBSE) to replace the present system of awarding marks with grades for Class X board examinations from this academic year (21010-2011). Accordingly, the CBSE has also made the Class X board exams for this academic year optional and has advised the schools affiliated with it to convince their students to choose the grading system instead of taking up exams.

The response for the grading system is mixed among various stakeholders, such as parents, teachers, and students. The major attraction of this grading system is that it reduces the stress of scoring high marks on the students and they do not have to burn the midnight oil in a bid to score more marks. The parents can also heave a sigh of relief as they no longer have to worry about the marks scored by their children. The grading system addresses the critical issue of increasing student suicidal rate year after year. It allows the students to study in a relaxed curriculum. It also focuses on the over-all development of students instead of emphasizing only on academics. Students can now study with better understanding rather than by hearting to score more marks. The homework, assignments, and project works has more weightage than written exams. Many experts feel that this system can make the students industry-ready as it focuses on developing the creative and soft skills of the students, thereby preparing them to face the job market. The teachers can also focus on imparting the knowledge rather than completing the portions on time.

However, many students think that they are in for more trouble. They feel some teachers may be biased and can sideline the students who are not favorable to them. Schools may also have their own standards and can play favorites while awarding the internal marks.

Apart from this, students who can score good marks may be demoralized. They will be sharing the same grades with the students who have scored eight to nine marks lesser than them. Also, making the exam as optional has only created confusions among the students. Parents and teachers may convince them to do away with their decision of taking up or not taking up the exams. Moreover, many teachers think that there will be more pressure on the them. According to this new order, there will be two assessments in an academic year and the teachers have to evaluate the students twice and keep a track of their performance. Therefore, teachers have more responsibility than before. Similarly, this system may stifle the competitive spirit of the students and may encourage mediocrity. Students would become insouciant and nonchalant.

Critics also pose questions like what if a teacher quits and another teacher has to evaluate in the middle of an academic year? How will they track the previous performance of the students? On what basis will the students be admitted in class XI? What if a student wants to join the State board form class XI onwards? How the CBSE board proposes to map the CBSE X grades with the State board HSC marks? The CBSE board and MHRD should address these questions and give the final shape to the grading system. If some of these issues are resolved, the grading method may take our education system to a new level.

People I Admire

We come across many people in our everyday lives. I wonder how some people alone can make a visible mark in the work they do and influence our way of thinking and personality. When I say people I admire, I am not talking about people those who have made it big in the society or celebrities. Ordinary people, who have carved a niche for themselves in the work they do, no matter what it is, or people who have grate personality, attitude, communication skills, dressing sense, or sense of humor are the subject matter of this post.Some of the modern home makers among my friends and relatives are such people, who have made a grate impact in me. They have given a new dimension to home making. Their attitude towards their lives is amazing. I don’t have any name that needs a special mention here. All of them have more or less same qualities and temperament. In a country, where many women see marriage, children etc as an end to personal preferences, these women give importance to personal grooming, personality development, and communication skills in spite of being home makers. They are well updated and modern. On the other hand, they can score well on home making as well. While they can make the world’s most piquant food, keep the home spic and span, and take good care of the children, they can also enjoy themselves in an evening party, get absorbed in Sidney Sheldon, and talk endlessly about politics or current trends in cinema. Many of these women have a burning desire to prove themselves, but don’t have the right opportunities to prove.

The person who comes next to my mind is one of my friends, let’s call her Prajitha, who did a short-term course with me. We became very close in a short span of time. Sooner or later, we were looking up to each other for opinions and suggestions for landing in the right job at the end of the course. Prajitha has lost her mother when she was in her early twenties. When her mother was down with cancer, it seems she used to nurse her mother, cook and run the entire household at the young age. Besides carrying a lot of responsibilities in her slender shoulders, she managed to secure a top rank in her post graduation and a first class in her computer course. But she didn’t have her mother to share her happiness. Troubles did not end there. After a few years of her marriage, Prajitha had delivered a blue baby. One day, the baby fell sick and was hospitalized. Around the same time, her husband also met with an accident and was admitted in the same hospital, where her baby was admitted. By god’s grace, her husband recovered but, she had lost the baby. However, today, Prajitha has recouped her losses. She has a cute daughter to die for and a supportive husband. What surprises me is Prajitha do not have an iota of self pity or negativity. She remains positive despite seeing all the odds at a young age.

Apart from these people, some of my classmates, colleagues, relatives, and friends, who can stand by their opinions and put their foot down firmly in case of disagreement, are responsible for shaping the way I think and act. I take a leaf out of their lives and apply it to my life situations with gratitude.

Contemplation

The last day in my present organization is round the corner. I wish I take a brief sabbatical to reflect on life and internalize the valuable lessons that I learned not only in my two and half year stint in the present organization, but all through my life. I wish I have the time to take stock of my experiences - good or enchanting experiences and bad or learning experiences and thank those who made my life easy and also those who acted tough to only bring out the potentials that were dormant in me. How I wish I could take time to recount the moments that almost reduced me to tears as well as relive the moments that kept me in high spirits. I also wish that I can look back and analyze where I have gone wrong and what was right and plan the life ahead accordingly.

However, I still have my plans charted out. It doesn't mean that I have taken decisions on the spur of the moment without any forethourght or I have ventured into uncharted waters. It only means that my fast- paced life doesn't provide the leeway to take time off for such musings. It means that I can take more charge of my life if I introspect. However, some of the lessons that I learned by the virtue of my experience are still etched in my mind as a beacon of light. They come handy as and when needed to steer me towards the right path.

You may wonder what is the necessity for such contemplation now. Isn't it too philosophical? Can't we take life as it comes? I don't subscribe to the idea of living life as it comes. We should imbibe the valuable lessons that each experience teaches us and reflect those lessons in our life.

Waking Up to Realities

It has been quite some time since I posted my last entry. Of late, I wonder what do I blog about. I am bereft of ideas. However, I am back to blogging after a long sabbatical. My heartfelt gratitude for the readers and fellow bloggers, who were kind enough to shoot a mail and instigate me to resume blogging.This post is about my recent realizations.

Realization 1

If you are feeling a little low, go for a make-over. It need not be a complete make-over that will burn a big hole in your wallet. It can be a simple yet stylish hair style, a little hair coloring or highlighting, a mini spa or anything that you can afford. If it is possible, invest in a few new outfits. Otherwise, wear well-pressed and fresh clothes. Voila!!! You cannot believe the energy your make-over will produce. You will be in high spirits. I have tried and tested it.

Realization 2

Never under estimate your abilities. For that matter, don’t overrate too. Have a bird’s eye view of yourself. Weigh your abilities and shortcomings from a distance. Judge yourself from a third person’s point of view. This has helped me carry out some difficult tasks with ease. I couldn’t believe that I have done them.

Realization 3

Never pay heed to the discouraging remarks of others, blindly. See through people and find out whether their remarks are genuine or due to vengeance. Accept only if you feel their true motive is to help you. Even if their motive and intention is all for your good, they will know you only in a particular situation. You will know yourself better than anyone. Only you can be your best critic. But never ignore a mistake on your part. If you know that you have committed a mistake, accept it immediately.

Realization 4

I used be a stingy person till my post graduation. I would even walk several kilometers to save a penny. With the passage of time, I have become a spend-thrift. I realized we cannot save and build any grate wealth by depriving ourselves of happiness. Whereas, we can become even bankrupt by being a spend-thrift. BALANCE is the keyword.

These four realizations are nuggets of my personal experience and not a piece of fiction.

Are We Becoming more and more Unethical?

Why many of us do not give attention to small mistakes that can have bigger impacts? All mistakes cannot be punished by the law. Some mistakes are legal but not ethical. For instance, many of you would have watched the movie, Anniyan, the magnum opus creation of Shankar. For the uninitiated, Anniyan is a Tamil movie directed by one of the leading directors of south India, Shankar. One of my favorite scenes in the movie is a person who would not stop his car for taking a seriously injured person to hospital would be killed by Anniyan. Later, he would also argue with Anniyan that there is no law that says that we should stop the car to save a person met with an accident. This is a classic example for a mistake that is legal but not ethical.

I can see more and more people becoming unethical of late .... Being unethical is unfortunately mistaken for being smart and shrewd in many instances. Instances such as one partner cheating another or children not taking a good care of their old parents are becoming common in our country. In the wake of 2010, let's wake up to the human being in us.

Don't Judge a Book by its Cover!!

I boarded a long route bus from Pondicherry to return home from office two days ago. I didn't have the exact change( 10 rupees) to give the conductor. So I gave a 100- rupee note (which is usually accepted in these buses).On that particular day, the conductor got irked and demanded the exact change. He took my 100-rupee note saying that I need the change now, no matter what.I rummaged through my hand bag, but in vain.I was helpess.

A fellow passenger, who was clad in an ordinary dothi came for help.He asked "madam,how much change you need?".I told him that I have around five bucks.He generously offered me a five rupee coin.But I was not willing to accept his offer.Why should I accept money for free? I was very thankful to him, but didn't take the money.Then, the conductor himslef gave back the changes understanding that I truly didn't have change.He must have thought that I was simply lying.

But what I understood from this incident was that we should not judge anyone based on our pre-conceived notions.The man, who came for help was looking very ordinary.He was clad in a not-so clean dhothi.However,he had the willingness to help, which not many what we call as "classy looking" people may have.But unfortunately, we don't believe them and we doubt the motive behind their actions.Have you not judged someone based on their looks? Ask yourself!!

Spare a Thought Before Hitting the Forward Button!!

Imagine you have got an email forward that calls for an action like this:

Forward it to 20 people, otherwise you will lose your job or fail in your exam.

Certainly many of you would have got forwards like this.What will you do with them? Will you treat them with disdain and push them into the trash or dutifully forward it to 20 people? I generally give a damn about them.Some idle people those who have nothing to do, draft such mails and spread them.I will treat such mails as mere spams and would delete them instantly. More often than not, such mails will have an image of a god to create a fear factor.Some mails may also have case studies(?) explaining what happened to people those who failed to heed their instructions.

Here is a sample from one of the forwards that I got:

Class 1 Officer of Indian government received this picture and called it 'junk mail', 8 days later his husband died.

T. Ratan received this picture, gave it to his secretary to make copies but they forgot to distribute: she lost her job and he lost his family.

My humble request to people those who forward such mails is please remember that you have better work to do.Internet is a powerful medium. Please don't use it to promote superstitions. I have seen some people forwarding them by adding a sentence, such as "I don't believe in this.....but still". What difference does it make? If you don't believe in the content of the mail, why should you follow the instructions in it? Spare a thought!

All About Movies

I am a complete movie buff.I should say watching movies is more than my hobby.I like any movie with an acceptable story line.But I hate movies that would make me feel down. If a movie create a depressing hangover, no matter how brilliant the direction, narration or technology, I don't want to watch it.I feel such movies would poison my thoughts.I will not recommend such movies to others as well.

Do you know movies communicate directly with your subconscious mind? When you watch a movie in a big 70mm screen with the accompanying sound effects in a closed environment, you are completely under the spell of the movie. You tend to imbibe the subtle concepts that are blind to your conscious mind, at a subconscious level.In other words, you cannot make a conscious choice of accepting or rejecting an idea that is conveyed in the movie.For instance, if you watch a scene of the antagonist killing innocent people, you tend to relate yourself with the victims.You will feel as if you are one of the victims.This impact is also long lasting.You will be in the same frame of mind for two or three days. If the idea and the portrayal is powerful, it can even last for months or years and more often than not, it becomes permanent.

If this is the case with adults, then imagine the impact of bad movies on children.The children could perceive the bad situations and people that are portrayed on the movies as real.It can make a permanent dent in their attitude, feeling and personality. So encourage your children to watch movies that would promote peace, happiness and well-being.Ensure that you and your family watch movies that only make you feel good.

Retail Therapy: Lessons Learned

I am writing this post to unleash my guilty feeling about being extravagant, at times. So what motivates me to splurge?

1. Fabrics
   
2. Books
3. DVDs
4. Cosmetics

If I see any of these stuffs in display during an outing or shopping , I'll simply blow the budget. However, of late, I am wary of what I am splurging on.Otherwise, I'll end up getting a big rod from my mom. I follow a specific strategy to check my spending habits. I ask myself few questions before spending on something, no matter how expensive or inexpensive it is: Will I use this? if yes, how often?is it worth its price?will it bring me happiness? If my answers are not convincing, I'll never kowtow to my wishes.I'll simply resist my temptation.

On the other hand, I am also aware of the fact that all of us are entitled to small treats once in a while. After all, retail therapy is a saving grace for many of us in our fast-paced lives. So what is the conclusion? Here are some key lessons that I learned out of my shopping experience.

Be a smart buyer.Be cautious about picking up stuffs that will not suit your lifestyle. For instance, if you are a party animal, buying a jazzy ball gown makes sense.But why should you pick up a dozen of expensive casual wear if only formal dresses are allowed in your office? Don't you think one or two will suffice?

Don't fall into the sale trap. Sales, discounts ,offers and all are marketing pitch. Every shop announces such offers once in a year to clear its old stocks.Earlier only garment shops announced such annual clearance sales.Of late, all kinds of stores seem to have jumped into the fray. Here I have more things to say. I feel season sales are a strategy for big shop owners to pull the middle class crowd. People fall into the trap because they get access to the stuffs which are otherwise expensive for them. But what we actually do is pick up old or damaged stuff for lesser prices by the standards of the shops. On the other hand, by our standards, that is our usual budget.So what happens? We end up purchasing the poor quality stuffs for our usual budget. Who is the loser here? Spare a thought.........However, we can't blame all the shops. You can get a fair deal during the season sales in many so-called expensive stores.Be alert and grab the chance.

Don't be a copycat. Don't spend on a stuff just because your close pal did. There could be some logic behind his/her purchase.

Don't take your plastic card. If you go for shopping, draw money from the ATM before hand and leave your credit card at home.This will help you to plan your spending and also to stick to your budget .

Atheism Vs. Theism: In my Point of View

The following is my views on both atheism and theism, which are purely based on my experience, exposure, and understanding. I have neither gone through the doctrines of atheism nor am I well-versed in theism. So, what I write may not be a gospel truth. I neither press anyone to subscribe to my ideas nor do I subscribe to any ideas on the subject. However, kindly register your thoughts on the post. Both bouquets and brickbats are welcome.


To begin with, I feel I have imbibed both atheistic and theistic ideologies since my childhood. But the strong theistic family background makes me more of a theist than an atheist. But I promise you that I wouldn’t unleash the theistic thoughts in me and will try to be neutral. Moreover, I am not a very strong god believer when compared with other members in my family. Now, I think you will be convinced that I will keep things in perspective. Well! Why I say that I am not a strong god believer? It is because I know that I should not expect from god what I don’t deserve. I am aware of the fact that god is not a magician with a magic wand in his hand, which will dish out whatever you wish for.

Do you know why some of your prayers are answered and some of them are not? Is it because some gods have more power and others do not? Well, Joseph Murphy, the author of the power of subconscious mind has the answer. He believes it is because of the way you pray. He also explains how you should pray in his book. He says “a true prayer should be felt at your heart and should have sunk in your subconscious mind”. So how this idea fits into my topic of concern? Well! Don’t you think that your prayers are answered because of you? Your prayers are answered because you feel them at your heart and they sink into your subconscious mind, which in turn makes things happen. The reason is You not the God. In other words, I would say your subconscious mind is the god. But the places of worship, rituals, and other religious practices set the right environment for communicating with your subconscious mind. They lift your spirits and bring your attention to one place, which is a minimum requirement for registering a thought in your mind.

Moreover, belief in god keeps the worries that are caused by things that are out of your hand at bay. On the other hand, I completely agree with the atheists that belief in god will reduce the belief in you. People (some god believers) fail to make an attempt to solve problems that are very much humanly possible and feasible. As I already mentioned, god is not a magician to grant whatever you wish for. You need to work hard and make an effort to achieve in all your endeavors. Have you ever wondered why we do sacrifices, such as head shaving, walking in bare foot and give offerings in the form of money, gold or others? Our elders have introduced such practices to indicate that one cannot get what he or she wants without any effort from his or her end. We follow such practices meticulously, but we fail to recognize the spirit and idea behind them. So what are you waiting for? Are you treating god like a magician disdainfully? Or goanna understand the principles behind theism and atheism, and act accordingly? The decision is yours!

Who Foots the Bill?

My cousins have come down from Salem. It's one of those rarest occasions that all my cousins are present this weekend to have a gala time.Ok.I don't want to digress.I am coming to the point.Whenever, we, relatives are on an outing spree, it is always my cousin brother who bears all the costs. As usual, as always, this time also he has taken charge of all the expenses.The reason he says for settling all the accounts on his own is that he doesn't have any other commitments.I am happy that my cousin brother is very affectionate and committed. But some men do not want women to pay the bills for the simple reason that it is not culturally appropriate to let them pay.This really left me with the question of who should foot the bill on an outing?Men or Women?

Traditionally, women were mere home makers, they didn't earn any money , so obviously the men who accompanied the women had to foot the bill.But in a country like ours, allowing women to pay the bills are still seen as inappropriate.As a matter of fact, universally, men are supposed to foot the bill, no matter what the occasion. I seriously don't subscribe to that idea because it promotes male chauvinism.It further suggests that women are mere appendages. Secondly, some women could play their gender card and make the innocent men to bear all the expenses.So, ultimately, who should foot the bill? The answer is simple. The one who suggested for a time out should pay the bill, no matter what the gender. Another possible alternative could be sharing the expenses.

Another Occassion to Thank AMP

As I told in my previous post, I went to attend my colleague's wedding reception last evening .I also mentioned that I decided to attend it only after some amount of dilly-dallying.So the last minute preparation was about to drive me crazy. I was wondering whether my sari is in a proper shape or not, whether the reception was still on or not because it was quite late.While commuting to that place, I just did alpha meditation for a few minutes. To my surprise, I could feel comfortable.After attending the reception , while returning home only I noticed that my purse was missing. I thought I would have left the purse at home.So I called up home and asked my sister to check whether my purse is found anywhere around. But she said my purse was not there. I closed my eyes and did alpha meditation. Suddenly, I recollected that I had put my purse in the gift cover that I handed over to the bride and bridegroom.Moreover, the bill of the gift is also there in that cover.I rushed back to the reception venue. I felt really embarrassed as to how I am going to ask for the gift cover back.I somehow mustered the confidence and reached the venue. To my surprise, few of my colleague's relatives were moving the gifts into the car.When I was about to approach them, as a sheer coincidence, a girl came with my gift cover near the car. I explained her what happened and she gave back the bill and my purse with a smile in her lips. I should thank AMP for sparing me from the trauma of losing my purse because it had some important items such as my debit card, business cards etc Moreover, it would have been a big embarrassment because the bill of the gift was also present in the cover. Thank you AMP. At the same time while thanking AMP, I also commit myself to not to repeat such careless mistakes. With little planning and concentration, I could have avoided such mistakes isn't it?

Don't Wait for the lady luck to smile at You!

"Opportunity knocks only once" is a well known adage. But how many of us wake up to the opportunities that are around us? Many of us wait for an opportunity instead of creating or at least recognizing the opportunities that are around us.The famous personality instructor and author of the book "You can Win", Shiv Khera says "winners make things happen whereas losers wait for things to happen". A person who believes in time and luck only becomes victim of the time. On the other hand, one who believes in himself takes charge of the time. So stop waiting for the time to come! Stop expecting a luck! When an opportunity meets preparation , that is luck.The key word here is PREPARATION. So be prepared and grab the opportunities that are around you.

Moreover, the downside of such superstitious beliefs is that we tend to pass our failures and mistakes as bad time, learn nothing out of them and continue to wait for the lady luck to smile at us. According to Suki Sivam, a famous speaker, fate, destiny or time, no matter how you call it, is nothing , but the manifestation of the thoughts that are registered in your sub conscious mind. He says " you cannot blame the external conditions for the events that happen in your life. You should take responsibility for the situation in which you are". According to Joseph Murphy, the author of the book, The power of your subconscious mind "the law of your mind is the law of belief".So you give life to elements such as fate, destiny or bad time, by your belief. They are all mere figments. You can win them by the virtue of your intelligence. So think intelligibly and conquer the world!

Are You Altruistic?

I have come across many people in my life those who are naturally altruistic. They don't show off or establish themselves as altruistic people.My mom is of one such kind, who never shows off by giving statements such as " I am interested in social service"or "I am very socially responsible".She carries out her personal duties meticulously and helps people those who approaches her, whole heartedly. On the other hand, I have seen people those who are"actively" involved in social service to gain name, fame, to socialize or to indirectly increase their business contacts.

In my experience, I have seen many people those who are associated with social service associations/clubs simply for time pass(sorry, to hurt people those who are whole heartedly involved in social services). They come for meetings/gatherings to show off their opulent jewelery and attires.Besides, there are also people those who have indirectly improved their business by using the contacts that they established through their social service. When you help someone expecting some return, no matter what, name, fame, business contact or money, you simply help them with a tinge of selfishness.On the other hand, if you help someone purely for their wellbeing, then you are altruistic and selfless.That's how altruism differs from helping.

Besides, there are also another extremes like those who completely ignore their families for their social service.If a socially active individual ignores his family to help another family, who will take care of his family?Doesn't it make sense to carryout all our duties and then help others? But there are also a handful of people those who have got the right balance. Let's reckon them as our models to emulate.After all, at the end of the day, it is your INTENTION not your ACTION that matters more.

Twist of the Fate

As I told in my previous posts, I was busy catching up with my friends on last Saturday and Sunday. On Saturday, I went to my friend's place and parked my bike outside her house. Then, we left to Egmore for shopping in an auto.When we returned after 3 to 4 hours, I was shocked to notice that my bike was missing. We inquired a traffic police in the nearby signal.He gave a toll free number and asked me to ensure that my bike is with the police. Then I went to a small lane near Kamarajar Memorial hall with my auto man to collect my bike. I paid Rs 150 as fine and collected my bike and drove back home around 8.00pm.Later, I came to know that the traffic set-up was changed in the lane only few days ago. It was a small lane in Teynampet but is converted into a main road. Hence, parking is prohibited in that lane.Had I parked my bike inside her house, I would have been spared of all this trauma.I cursed myself for my foolishness.But what is the use of having the wisdom after committing a mistake?

Why is This Inequality?

Being born and brought up in a joint family, I have experienced subtle forms of gender inequality at home. Though the inequality has never been intense(my parents, uncles, aunts and grans shower equal affection on girls as well),I cannot deny its presence.As soon as my sister was born( three years younger to me), there are few people in my family, who behaved as if a death happened at home.The reason was simply that my parents already had a daughter(myself) and god had punished(?) them with a daughter again. My own father,in later years, shared that he was expecting a baby boy and had prayed for one.Though he was initially upset of having a baby girl again, he could sooner accept my sister with élan. He gave us the best education, whatever we name, he would get for us.But he had never been active in bringing us up like my mother. In fact, my father would not even know the section in which me and my sister were in at school. No matter what it is, illness, tuition classes or parent-teacher meet, it was my mother who would initiate despite her work load. But my mother has never reckoned her daughters as a load on her. Even today she would say that we (me and my sis) are her best assets.

On the other hand, some of my relatives and family friends, who have sons used to throw sympathetic glances on my parents for not been blessed (??) with a son as they are . Today, me and my sister are in no way inferior to their sons.We are educated and employed as their sons are.In fact, we provide helping hand for my father on financial front, which many sons do not do.

The question that keeps haunting me as I write this post is I come from an educationally forward family, which lives in a city for generations. If my educated relatives themselves are biased, what about the illiterate people those who live in villages? I feel education has very limited influence on our attitude. Gender equality is an attitude that our people need to develop consciously. It has been drummed into their heads for generations that having a baby boy is an achievement or an asset for the family. But practically, there are sons those who have abandoned their parents and daughters those who take care of their parents even after their marriage. Will our perspective on gender change??

Whose Fault is It, By The Way?

The unfortunate soul 1:Kaushigan is barely 5 years old . His mother passed away when he was a ten month old baby and his father, who donned the role of his mother as well, had met with a fatal accident last week. Now Kaushigan is under the care of his old grand parents.The only source of income for this family was Kaushigan's father's salary. Now that he is no more, Kaushigan's life is at stake. The most appalling thing is that he didn't even realize that his father is dead and will never return . The poor boy is said to have still waiting for his father to return (?) from his office .
Note : Kaushigan's father was killed by a corporation lorry driver, who was using a wrong route and partly by the police officers those who failed to be proactive.
The unfortunate soul 2 : A differently-abled chennai girl, who is visually impaired, wrote her Higher Secondary examinations with the help of scribes. One of the scribes, who was appointed by the government, is said to have poor knowledge of accountancy. As a result, the differently-abled girl had to fail in the accountancy exam alone.

These two cases are just the tip of an iceberg. There are countless people in this world those who feel the heat for their fault of none. We can pass them off as their bad time, fate or destiny. But will such statements spare the victims of their trauma? Had our legal system been stringent, the lorry driver who killed Kaushigan's father would have been dismissed and could have been asked to give some compensation for the security of Kaushigan. The scribe who wrote the accountancy exam for the differently-abled girl could also be barred from teaching for his or her life time. Will our legal system fight for such victims in the future? Let us hope for the best!!

If you can Dream IT, You can Make IT.

The very idea of this post is not just to pass a piece of advice that I had received. It is to make people understand what I have realized from my experience. My words spur from my individual experience and not a blind cliche. The first dream that came true for me was my specialization in my post graduation. Being a silent and shy person(of course, then), I eyed Mass Communication, which called for extremely outgoing and extroverted personality.I worked very hard for the entrance, group discussion and alike. But because I was quite introverted, my lecturers were somewhat reluctant to offer me a seat. Keeping my performance in the entrance test and my assurance to change myself in their mind, they offered me a seat at last. I could have just missed the seat had I not determined to get there. I had no choices for post graduation other than Mass Communication. I never thought of other choice if I failed to get there. It was my sheer DETERMINATION that got me there.My second dream that saw the day's light is that of becoming an Instructional Designer.I wanted to change my career from content writing to Instructional Designing. I was offered the post of an ID in almost four companies but each of them had its own downsides(either the company was far away or the job is a contract-based one or very short notice period and so) . At last, I had to settle in a job (because I kept rejecting many and I was eventually between jobs for three months) of a content writer once again. But I accepted that with pride and saw the greener pastures in taking up a job of a content writer.I also determined to stay in that company at least for one year.But I realized that god was merely testing my patience when I received a call from a top e-learning company for the post I was looking for. It was almost three months since I renewed my profile in the job portals(job portals require you to renew your profile often and prospective employers also prefer renewed profiles ) and I had just merely mentioned my interest to work as an ID to one of the HRs working for a HR concern when I was on the lookout for an ID job. She had also informed me that one big player is looking for an experienced person and my profile doesn't match their requirements. After three months, she had called me and told that the big e-learning player is willing to consider me and I should appear for the interview and a entrance test.My joy knew no bounds. It is needless to say that I got the job that I was looking for. Lady luck had smiled at me after several hurdles.I realized that If we have determination, endurance, and perseverance, we can get whatever we want. So if you can dream it, you can make it.If my experience can boost even 1% motivation of at least one reader, I will consider myself worthy. After all "a candle loses nothing by lighting another" (courtesy: www.reach.ind.in). Have inspirational stories worth a read ? Feel free to share.Let me get some dosage of motivation to perform better in my current job.

Attention Parents! Never Overburden Your Children When they are Still Greenhorns!

Last week one of my uncle's acquaintances, who is just a 29 year old young man, had passed away due to a sudden heart attack.The most appalling fact is that he got a girl child only in the recent past. The guy was employed by a major IT giant and was giving a new lease of life to his economically struggling family, which was once running a successful business. The reason behind his sudden demise is said to be too much burden on him to make the family economically forward once again. Another incident that I have read in a top magazine was also in the same lines. A twelfth standard boy, who scored low marks in some competitive exam had set himself ablaze. The boy's family comprised of him, his younger sister and widowed mother. His mother was earning a meager salary to eek out a living. The family's future was bestowed on the boy. He imbibed the same thought that his family's future lies in the grades that he scores then. He was striped of the childish traits that is unique for a teenager like him. All this had lead to that fatal end. Parents in this IT era are increasingly wishing to live their lives through their children. They expect their children to uplift their family soon after they enter a top most company. They should understand that the younger people those who enter fields such as IT already work in a highly stressful environment.The pressure from the family front would only add up to their worries and make them prone to heart attacks , blood pressure and other stress related diseases.On a concluding note,all that I would like to say for the parents is give your son or daughter the time to grow professionally.Never put the burden of uplifting the family solely on them when they are still in the nascent stage of their career.Let them shoulder your responsibilities initially and later you can put the entire onus of earning for the family on them.Similarly, if you are a parent of school children who are preparing to face competitive exams, never confuse them by correlating their marks with the future of the family(or their future either). Just briefly imply them the importance of studies and being on their own.